Monday, 15 August 2011

An open letter - to whom it may concern

Names have been deleted for obvious reasons. If this whole post means nothing to you then that's absolutely fine and quite honestly you are best out of it. Here, have something pretty to brighten your day:

But when one is censored from saying things - then another route can be found.

Once this little missive is posted then it's over with as far as I am concerned - but it is a tad unfair for others to be able to post and comment whilst some have been banned from doing the same (ie not just  me).

An open letter to R, A, G and C,
Regarding the issues of the last few weeks.

A, you posted a long message yesterday which said very little. The things that do stand out are that you think the group wants things to return to as they were, that 'time outs' were handled badly by  the mods and that a few are trying to destroy the group. 
So nothing will be tackled or changed, that's your prerogative. Holding your hands up and saying things were handled badly is not an apology - there has been no apology. As for those destroying the group - one can only assume that is aimed at those who are effectively blocked from posting, i.e me. I had a long paragraph here about working hard to keep the group interacting through swaps etc, but in response to you stating I am trying to destroy the group, let's just leave it at 'incredible'.

R, you also posted a long message which again said little. You asked me once what I meant by you being patronising and rude. If you cannot see that then there is little point in me elaborating, but the fact that others commented on it should make you go and reread what you posted.  A calling this ‘Sexist Gate’ simply makes a joke out of the catalyst for recent events.

You also said something along the lines of ‘leaving a group is the internet equivalent of tears’.  If you see a friend in tears your response is to walk up and give them a hefty slap in the face, in public? Humiliating them is an interesting approach.
I don’t agree with the ‘don’t treat recent mods / co-founders of a group like this’ comments made by others – any standing within the group shouldn’t have an impact on how things are handled. So called friendships also don’t come into this, as they have been proved to be mere words.
 What should however be an integral part of moderating is to treat people as human beings – with respect. To find out I had been banned (‘time out’ is so American don’t you think? I cannot post in the group therefore am banned, as is Daphne) with no word from four moderators before or after? Makes the moderating in a certain other group look outstanding (I would ask you to compare my posts to those of *several months ago – you really put me in the same league?). If anyone seriously thinks I will take up the generous offer to restart posting on August 19th then they are living in a dream. Rudeness is one thing – deliberate humiliation is another.

The four of you have caused a lot of pain and upset to many people. Being praised for adding links to penguin patterns – if that eases your group conscience then so be it. Obviously I will miss the group greatly, but that’s finished.
‘I hope you are in less pain soon’ Disagree. You have played straight into the hands of this mentality.
R, you said ‘Someone has to put their nose above the parapet now and again.’ Well I did. And was shot down.
I know, I know - an internet spat, a flounce, whatever you want to call it.

 Once upon a time I would have said it's just words on a screen and walked away. But I know I am not the only person who relies quite heavily on internet friendships (I am not talking romances here but friendships) because life and circumstances makes getting out and about in reality quite difficult.
Behind those words there are real people.
Maybe it shouldn't matter at all and I should be able to just chuck it to one side and move on. This blog post is my way of trying to put it to bed - but I do not want to lose the many friendships I have been lucky enough to make.
This is probably the only time I will mention this issue - as I say there aren't really any other platforms for me to let it out. Tis done.
Who knows - I might even write a post about knitting or sewing at some point!



Stitched Together said...

I don't really know what specifically this post is about, but I do know that this sort of situation happens in the online community. Where people butt heads over the discrepancy between what is intended as it is typed and what actually is typed.

I agree that the internet is essential for many people's sanity. I too have limited mobility and energy and rely heavily on the internet for my contact with other human beings. The hurt you experience from people you consider friends is no less real if they are people you only know online and I think it is a shame that the people doing the hurt don't realise that.

I think this situation will always occur when you have a group dynamic. There will always be the insiders who bond together, which by it's very nature excludes others. It is the way groups operate. I just think it is a shame when those doing the excluding do it deliberately.

I hope you realise that there are many other individuals online who DON'T want to hurt you.

PS you flounce with style!

sulkycat said...

why thank you modom, i have been practising my flounce for many a year!

i agree completely with everything you have said

i needed to let it out, so now i can brave the scary post office of doom ...

Anonymous said...

Oh no! Not the scary Post Office of Doooooom! :)

I didn't know you have been banned (well, time-outed there is a small technical difference between the two but I'd wager they hurt just as bad as each other).
I haven't read anything you've posted that would warrant it in my small modly book and I will miss you.

Hugs from an "Infrequent poster and penguin keeper", if you will have them.


sulkycat said...

hreow thank you - all hugs very welcome indeed!

its weird - i seem to have been blocked until august 19th, whereas poor old daffers is blocked indefinitely!

on the 19th i will be making one post and one post only ;-)


Anonymous said...

That makes me very curious of what Daffers got up to...
Emptied the group's w(h)ine and spirits locker? Have you seen her since? ^^

{who is awaiting the ninteenth and unique post with breath bated. :)}

Jacquie said...

Sulky, I've been following all this a few days behind and my flabber was totally ghasted. I hadn't posted because I was so far behind and because I didn't trust myself not to make it worse by not mincing my words. Massive, massive hugs to you and it's good that you now have another place to banter and chat. You have my love and support.

sulkycat said...

thank you jacquie and all for such lovely comments

strange times - the final post is spookily enough tucked away in the groups archives as the thread was locked as soon as i posted ;-)

thankfully the decent folk far outnumber the numpties ...