Do not adjust your sets.
I cannot tell you how appalled I was to discover Keef had been allowed to tell you about his holiday, yet I was left in ignorance! Which, let's face it, is usually Keef's domain.
So, what can I tell you?
I went to the seaside with Sulks a little while ago. She told me that we were going to Costa del Scarborough which I believe is on the French Riviera, near to Monaco and Miami apparently. I rather fancy a walk on part in CSI Miami, maybe as the love interest of that handsome chap Horatio with his flame coloured locks and cool sunglasses.
So I stole Sulky's fake tan (she doesn't need it, it would clash with her hair), pruned and waxed and trimmed and buffed my feathers, oiled my flippers and polished my beak to perfection, ready to pucker up should Mr Horatio pass by.
I persuaded Sulky that all the best penguin ladies were wearing rather attractive swimwear this season, and she made me a bikini - pictures of that in a minute. You may need to remove the males in your house from the room first as I admit I really do look rather irresistable in it though I say it myself.
(SHUT UP KEEF! I DO NOT LOOK SILLY!)
Excuse me. I think a visit to the microwave again is in order for that young man.
Where was I? Oh yes, admiring myself.
Well we went on a luxurious horse drawn carriage called A Train and I suffered the sheer indignity of being in Sulky's handbag for most of the journey. I left her a little gift in the pocket to say thank you
I suppose the tissues and dust in there were preferable to those Pure Velour seats on A Train, they tend to chafe somewhat. A true lady does not want her inner thighs to be chafed - well she does, but certainly NOT courtesy of A Train.
I must admit I suspect Sulky was not telling the entire truth about Costa del Scarborough being near Miami and Monaco. She just smiles when I try to ask her about it. By the way, does anyone know what 'gull ib le' means?
But I did believe both that wretched snowman and Sulky when they said they had 'never seen anything like it' when I put my new bikini on - that's nice of them isn't it.
I know! Stunning!
We bought a little house by the sea with it's own pool, but it wasn't quite how I imagined it to be.
I really must explain myself more clearly.
But it had all mod cons such as - erm - a flying saucer and a book. And a pair of fishnets - again not quite as I had imagined.
I had a lovely time - I tried surfing in readiness for when I met Mr Horatio -
tried driving some fast vehicles for the same reason
and in preparation for the bright lights I indulged in a little bit of gambling (I know I know, I am not proud but apparently it is the In Thing to do).
I also overindulged in some other excesses, more of which to come later. I blame that Keef.
Bye for now my lovelies, part two of my adventures to come soon!
Love from Daphne xxx