Greetings, Earthlings ....

... with apologies for neglecting this blog.
So much to write, none of it of any importance.

Operation was had as mentioned in previous post, here are the photies to prove what a serious time it was ;-)

Daphne came with me and had fun investigating the various equipment. When I explained that it was NOT a climbing frame and what it was all for she became a tad dizzy and had to have a lie down.

She then decided to play at Drs.

Had a bit of a nerve wracking wait to meet with my consultant and discuss the intestine thing - first it snowed somewhat:

and then it just kept on snowing.

Nothing can get up or down the hill here or into the tiny side streets.

Bear in mind I had stitches running from my tummy button up and down.

Bear in mind my poor intestines.

My tum has been bloated for months - and it decided to outdo itself whilst I was snowbound and with stitches, yikes. It reached the point where I seriously thought they were going to tear (sorry, farrrr too much info!) and I took them out myself.
What a relief!

The kids wanted to go out and see the snow.

This is Keef.
He's OK, very quiet but I am not convinced leaving Daphne alone with him is wise.

First there was this

and then The Microwave Incident.
The little minx had it on 'defrost'.

So I think they did fairly well to stand together for their photo:

More to come ....

Helloooooooooo!!

Did you miss me? Anyone? Even a teeny tiny bit? No?

Pah.

Tis a weird time at the mo - was in hospital last Wednesday to have an operation on my foofoo parts - the consultant suspected that the endometriosis was back with a vengeance, and promised she would have a good look and do as much work as possible to save me going through it all yet again.

All went well, bits were burnt out, bits were checked, much morphine was given - the bizarreness of being in a hospital that was nicer than some hotels and general madness to come later when my brain works - and thankfully my pelvis was announced 'surprisingly very healthy' which is brilliant.

However, the words 'we were shocked at the state of your lower intestine' were NOT what I had expected to hear! Apparently it is lower down than is normal and 'severely inflamed', plus there's a chance I have some 'rare bladder disease' too - I simply couldn't take it all in so she stopped talking and booked me in to see her next week for a long chat.

It is likely it is Crohn's, which is a nightmare. Plus I lose my job next week too - what a chuffing year!
But nobody has died .... whatever it turns out to be I am sure I will deal with it.

I have some spectacular bruises and rather a lot of stitches, but am definitely picking up - very tired and get dizzy exhausted ridiculously easy, but I was in the operating theatre for an hour longer than expected so I suppose it is going to take longer to pick up than I had thought. Throw in the good old ME and I guess it's going to take time!

I hope all are keeping warm and well - not too much snow here, but my aunt in Northumbria has bonkers amounts as has my mum in North Yorkshire. Ice ice ice - has the hill here been gritted? Supply your own answer ... -6C at night which seems mild compared to the -16C elsewhere.

Wrap up, knit faster, eat stodge!

Many many thanks for cards and kind wishes from you luvverly folk, it really matters xx

***normal, non self pitying posts will return asap

and yes, it is SK Day!

For the child you really dislike, some perfect gifts.

           No? Too cute? Depends on your definition of cute I think but never mind.

This?

Nice.

So that's Christmas for the man in your life sorted last week and now the kids.

Next week (bet you can hardly wait) I think it might be knitting for a convalescent - and will either be posted very early on Wednesday or later in the week (three guesses who is having their first operation next Wednesday ...).

Toodles

Today's lesson = mathematics for beginners.

+

+

+

=

Maths. Sorted.

You Disgust Me.

And I know damned well that I am not alone.

The SCKC rumour mill started grinding back into action yesterday and I lost a couple of hours reading through a mix of hysteria, piss taking, mockery, horror and absolute disbelief.

Apparently the disorganiser has recovered from the terrible Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that has blighted her life since - er - since she fucked up the entire Knit Camp. That's nice.

A MIRACLE! GIVE THANKS AND PRAISE TO THE POWERS THAT BE, TIS A MIRACLE IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS!

What's that you say? It's a BIGGER miracle than that?

She has recovered enough to be able to re-open her shop.

Yes, you heard that right. Possibly not on a par with Elvis on your toast or Jesus on a rasher of bacon but a pretty decent sized miracle nonetheless.

Stock from the shop is being sold on Ebay at the moment - one would hope that was to pay off her DEBTS. Many many debts.

Let's get this straight -

• tutors have NOT been paid
• refunds for classes that were cancelled etc have NOT all been issued
• refunds for goods such as the dreaded 'zoodies' which hadn't even been bloody ordered in time have NOT all been received
• apologies have most definitely NOT been made
• explanations have NOT been given

In place of any of the above there was the bizarre post about having a holiday followed by more delated posts on Ravelry followed by a mega Ravelry flounce followed by 'Oooooh you are all soooo mean (unless you posted how fabulous I am and how much you loved SCKC)' followed by I am ill how dare you be mean to be followed by I am bankrupt and shutting up shop followed by she has PTSD and is dreadfully ill ....

Get the general idea?

So ill that she is still doing her PhD and SO ill she is reopening the shop of shit. Which of course only shut in the first place because the great British Public didn't support it.
Yes, It is YOUR fault, Joe Public, all of it.
Hang your collective heads in shame.

Now, as we are all obviously to blame for the Disorganiser failing to PAY PEOPLE then by way of apology we could all go to her shop.
here it is
Or of course you may choose to spread the word to every single knitter you know. The word being 'LIAR and CON ARTIST and RIP OFF MERCHANT and ENTIRELY DISREPUTABLE. See, I gave you a choice of words, You may feel the need to add your own too. Rude ones.

We could all choose to buy from her Ebay shop to boost her finances.
That one is here.
Using one's own name possibly isn't wise, when one is not exactly covered in glory. It does however show utter contempt for those awaiting their money and a complete lack of shame.
Or, of course, avoid it like the absolute plague and decide to spend money with decent people.

The choice of course is yours.

So what now?

To those who are still owed money and who have done the decent thing - she can no longer have the benefit of ANYONE'S doubt. Stop being so polite and British (I know, we don't like to make a fuss) and make the biggest bloody fuss since you weren't allowed that fourth ice cream at Julie's party when you were six.

But above and beyond all this utter shite.
Two things still need explaining.

1) where did all the buttons go?

2) has a certain person spent the donation she received on cider yet?? Will she ever blog to say a heartfelt thank you? Will a Paypal donation button appear in time for some Christmas (alcohol) shopping?

Hell, these things matter ....

pee ess
In case of further threats of barristers / baristas - hehe, go for it. Because then every tiny detail will be examined in microscopic detail. Past bankruptcies. Opening of more ventures whilst still bankrupt. Lies. Debts. More lies. What? You might not bother with a barrister and just have a coffee instead? Good idea, When one does not exactly have angels flying out of one's arse, then one is possibly wise to shut up.

Yes I Knit!

Sometimes ...

I am currently working on - er - many many things and have the fidgets with all of them. I am determined to get my first ever pair of gloves - yes, GLOVES WITH FINGEROONIES - finished.
I love the pattern very much but by hell I don't like the way it's written - have gone a bit free stylie with the cast on, and am completely ignoring the cabling with different colours instructions because they are very confusing, when the actual process itself is pretty straightforward.

The gloves themselves are Blooming, the branches are cabled in the contrast colour and the leaves embroidered at the end. I was very kindly sent some beautiful Spud and Chloe wool in a fabulous pink, the photo doesn't do it any justice at all so will have to try and get a better photo if we get any sunlight tomorrow. It's not the softest of wool but that makes it perfect for these gloves as the stitch definition is good (a bit too good as it shows any of my blips!).

See what I mean about the colour?

That's from the website, much more like it!
So that's one mission, get the glovies finished. Ideally before I am 86.

A bit of playing about with some penguin sewing is on the go:

destined to become brooches - in their very VERY rough stage at the moment!

Having eaten my fourth serving of these in one week, I am pretty sure I might actually explode sometime during the night.

Warning - sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Oh yes, a mini shop update.

sulkycat

Including - Tim.

and some more snag free stitch markers:

and some more bags:

including KNICKERS AND BRAS!

Enjoy!

It's Wednesday - it's SK Day!

Oh yes - out of pure boredom, I have officially decided that from now on Wednesday is going to be Shit Knit Day. Oh you lucky lot.

Once a week is all my nerves can handle - believe me, there are some spectacular knits out there ;-)
Oh yes, mine included, most definitely.

And without further ado, may I present to you the perfect idea for a last minute Christmas knit for the man in your life (it might just put some life in your man)(and by hell it would be pretty obvious in this little number).

Ready?

(I don't really want to look too closely - but are they shorts of some sort or a skirt with - er - a weird codpiece thing going on?)

And as it is approaching Christmas, I am kind enough to make it a double whammy (a bit like what's going on in those pants) and include an idea for a bit of sock knitting Christmas gift making.

No no, no need to thank me.

You were warned ... betcha can't wait for next Wednesday ...

Testing , testing, one two three testing ...

As I am still having a problem loading photos from my camera to my blog, I have had to download Picasa again and am trying to load from there to here.
So if piccies end up inside out, upside down and generally it all goes tits up just bear with it please!

So.
First up, some more attempts at gluten free baking. Sheesh!
I can manage edible pastry and edible yorkshire puds and pancakes, so that's a good start. They aren't brilliant but they definitely aren't horrendous.
Bread, that's my mission, to make a good loaf of gluten free bread. I used to bake a lot of bread and really enjoyed it, and a decent stodgy doughy thick sliced loaf of bread is something I miss a lot, laden with butter, ohhhh yes! Gluten free bread in general is pretty dire stuff, some of it just needs spitting straight out again.
The nicer ones available from supermarkets are Genius, M&S and the latest from Glutafin (their others are in the spit it out category). But none resemble a 'real' loaf of bread.

So I tried.



Erm ... you don't need to knead gluten free dough, it's wetter than proper bread dough, and quite frankly this lot looked and smelt like playdough. But I followed the Doves Farm recipe to the letter, left it to rise (erm ....) and baked it.
That lovely smell of freshly baking bread? Nope, none of that either.
A loaf appeared.

It looked awful.
It tasted worse.

Bizarrely it actually tasted of nothing very much. I double checked on the web site and it looks almost exactly how it should - but blimey, there's no pleasure in eating this! Plonked some out for the birdies - they ignored it. Chucked the rest in the bin and I wish the bin men well in lifting it.

Next try - gluten free fruit scones.
Now I tried these last week or the week before and didn't get piccies - and yes, they were shite too!
So I tried a different recipe which was much better, and tried yet again with a bit of recipe tweaking.

Not brilliant, but not too bad ....

 and these actually smelt like scones and pretty much tasted like them, miles better! Very cumbly and they don't rise much but yes, I was pleased with this improvement - so back to the bread making at some point.

Last November

January

And today.
Marvellous eh!

hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa

mum: What's the name of that author, the one who has alzheimers?

me: Terry Pratchett. Sir.

mum: Thanks, that's the one! The man who looks like a tramp! What were those books he wrote about going round the world?

me: erm, I think you mean Bill Bryson.

mum: Noooo, not him. Oh you know! Never mind.

ten minutes later

mum: Backpacking around the world, he wrote about 6 of them. Loads of people bought them, they were very popular!

me: Erm ...

mum: You know! BACKPACKING AROUND THE WORLD!

me: The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy??

mum: That's it! Told you!

me: Erm .... that was Douglas Adams.

Just a perfectly normal telephone conversation here. I know I am not alone ....

Balderdash, I haz it.

yes it is that time again.
The time when people who really should know better decide to headbut their keyboards / lap tops / selves (if possible) repeatedly most evenings.
Yes, tis Nano time.

Oh yes.
Add wannabe writer to writer's block and one of these:

and it really is not going to end well!

Absolutely no idea where this bit of writing is taking me, but it most definitely is NOT in the direction i had half intended! No bad thing, I am enjoying the ride so far despite the utter bonkersmadness of it (or most probably BECAUSE of the utter bonkersmadness of it).

Very slow though - I stormed through it last year and rarely struggled to find the necessary amount of daily shite words, but tis much slower going this time. Plus today hasn't been the best of days - nothing specific, just utterly fed up.

Should hopefully perk up after the op, only 2 weeks to wait now. Mum's apparently moving in with me for a few days, that's going to be farrrr more traumatic than the operation! I told her I am going to request a much longer stay than is needed, ideally two or three weeks (hey, tis a private hospital, I need to sample their food dontcha know). Somehow I doubt I will get away with it - I suspect - nay, I KNOW, that she will be up all night cleaning my hovel and muttering dark things about all my assorted crap. She promises not to, but I have very clear memories of her doing this when I was laid up with tonsillitis many years ago ...

Hmmmm.

What else?

Delphine, the megamoss stitch cardi is finished and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it - I only have shite piccies at the moment so will take better ones asap. Far too much knitting on the go at the moment, plus writing, plus trying to tidy my home, plus trying to find the energy to do the above, plus a pile of sewing that is becoming pretty urgent - good job I am off, too busy to go to work.

The house smells of christmas cake at the moment, this one is for my daughter but it doesn't look as good as the first one so I will keep it and give her the better one, Or we can half them and have half of each, Smells good though, if nothing else it should be fab with ice cream!

It's this:

caribbean creole christmas cake and is superb. Dead easy, and superb.

When my get up and go returns I have ideas aplenty for corsets in a steampunk stylie to make - I used to make corsest aplenty a few years ago, but stopped because the financial returns rarely reflected even a fraction of the labour and time. But I am tempted to start again, also some quirky skirts and jackets and bags ... lots of ideas, absolutely no energy!

The Fabulous Foofoo and the Flounce of Fartiness

Mah foo foo.

She is not well.

I saw a fantabulous gynae specialist on Tuesday - OK, I apologise:

THIS POST CARRIES AN OFFICIAL MINGEINA WARNING AND MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT REFERENCES TO LADY GARDENS.

There.

As I was saying - let's just say the words 'oh, the pain you felt was when I was lifting your womb' - YOU WERE DOING WHAT! PUT IT BACK!

She thinks the dreaded endometriosis has come back with a vengeance, in and behind  my womb and also possibly my bladder (on top of everything else I am peeing rather a lot of blood, yippee). Thankfully NOT the ovarian cancer that was originally suspected. I have an operation in 3 weeks, and possibly / probably a major op in the near future. She was brilliant and I might have to marry her.

It's been a painful week but definitely picking up now. Thank you blokie over the road for getting your Sky fandango fit this morning at silly o'clock, I (and the rest of the road) really needed to listen to the slamming of van doors and the drilling / swarm of bees noises. Luvverly. Any chance it will be finished soon? No?

I am aiming to finish the cardi of mucho moss stitch today - I know I know, I seem to have been saying this for ages, but it's almost there. When you can't be arsed to knit or read then you know you ain't too well ....

It hasn't all been doom and gloom though, oh dearie me no - there has also been Dwama of the interwebz variety.

Madame La Flounce, she is fantastique, non?

Non.

She is just under the delusion that talking shite will go unnoticed online. Type what you want, tis the internet after all - but don't be naive enough to think that folk will let you go unchallenged if you type twaddle. Did I say twaddle? Silly me, I meant lies. One more person who is in the 'you are a big meany and I am telling my mam' camp. Well let me tell you - MY MAM is more scarier scariest scarifier than your mam! So bloody there matey!

Tinternet, gottaloveit, innit.

Anyone else planning on doing the old Nano thing this year?

nanowrimo

I will be, another excuse to write many words of - er - unmitigated shite ;-)

See you there!

STOP IT!

why? just why?

Stop eating out of date sodding yoghurt then you stupid stupid woman!

Arggghhhh.

Moss stitch moss stitch double chuffing moss stitch - I love moss stitch but bloody nora I am somewhat bored with it now - one sleeve to go. I went into a mini panic this morning when I realised I was very likely to run out of wool, so ordered a ball of Felted Tweed, if the dye lot isn't the same then to hell with it, will walk with one arm in the shade or lifted in a permanent wave.
Delphine, you will be mine very very soon.

Delphine

Not the best of days today, but I stood my ground better than I thought I would, and my union chap was utterly brilliant as always. Career ideas anyone? (seriously, anyone have any good ideas??).

Dream jobs would include:

a donkey sanctuary

but I have the tiniest garden in the world and don't think they would like to live in the living room - and I bet they would hog the telly.

guinea pig cuddler

Yes, could do that as a career very happily.

Erm. What else?

                                                                             Yes?