Taxi drivers are a strange breed. Or they are here anyway.
Last week I nipped into scary Armley by taxi.
Taxi journey there consisted of a bonkersmad (but funny) driver who told me I am ill because I apparently need 'hot man! Hot man cuddle you, make pain go!'
'Dr taxi driver say so! You lovely lady, you need hot man!'
I replied that I don't have the energy for even a stone cold one.
When he dropped me off at the Drs he asked if I would go for coffee with him .... help!
But this was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING compared to the taxi home again.
For some utterly bizarre reason the young driver told me he had recently split with his partner and had joined a swingers site.
I then made the ultimate mistake of saying 'Isn't there some manky pseudo Egyptian swingers place in Leeds?' and lo and behold he has been there. And the scariest bit? There's apparently one in bloody Armley too.
Armley consists of lots of charity shops, loads of betting shops, and plenty of those Cash Convertor type places (or Smack Convertors as they are known here). The places where skanky chav types in track suits and caps wander in with dodgy looking dvd players under their arms still trailing wires. Been robbed recently? Pop into your local Smack Convertors and you might just spot your missing electrical items.
I didn't even know these places existed until I moved here!
As for the classy emporium named Bargain Booze .... lordy.
The locals here seem to do a sort of shuffle, many seem to have bits missing (mostly teeth)(sometimes limbs) and there is a constant smell of cannabis. I swear walking round Wilko for more than ten minutes is enough to ease all your troubles away just by breathing in.
Unbelievably Barbara Taylor Bradford was an Armley lass, Alan Bennett is from here as are - er - Chumbawumba. The only evidence I have seen of 'culture' are the gangs of pensioners getting drunk on cheap cider and Special Brew by the Scary Bench on pension day.
Anyway - this is the sort of place that apparently has a swingers' club. EEEEEWWWWW!!!
See - I don't even have to venture into the big bad city to have an interesting trip out.