Is it me you're looking for?

Psssssst.

Sulks.

Psssst!!

Someone is looking at me.

erm

hello, who are you?!

Crikey - hello!

How the devil are you? Long time no see, etc etc.

6 months on I suppose I should have something of interest to post, but nope. Uh uh. Zilch. I do have some piccies - want to see?

The obligatory feet on bench pic - as you can see I had just given birth to bootiful baby - erm - beans. Absolutely no idea why I took this, might have been sunstroke. Whatever. 

The garden has been beautiful this year - tiny, cluttered, chaotic, all that and beautiful.

Lovely.

These were pretty expensive bulbs but worth every penny - also worth every single horrible red lily beetle, I showed no mercy and stamped on every one I found. The spawn of red lily beetle also went. Every day - little fekkers ate all my lilies one year, so I was chuffed to bits that these fabulous plants not only survived but flourished.

Bought here: https://www.sarahraven.com/

I have an assortment of tulip bulbs (half planted, half still to plant), so hopefully they will be as stunning as the lilies. I also have loads from good old Wilko so something should grow.

I bought these (pics from the website);

 Angelique

Green wave

Spring. Bring it on. 

Healthwise - not great. Will write more later, nothing earth shatteringly dangerous but not great.

Because of health issues, I haven't done much or been to many places, even with my lovely man on hand (so to speak)(minds OUT of the gutter perlease). Snigger.

These little loves keep me happy, I think a piggy post is needed at some point. Lovely little fatties.

A little of this has been happening (still need to finish writing this up, plans in my head don't often transfer to the typing / making state). 

I have managed to make some of these ('scuse crappy pics).

I will take some better photos asap, and get them listed on Etsy  and /or Ravelry. I liked the packaging / display bits at first but now think they look a tad fussy. Undecided ....

Want some? Just ask!

And that's it for now - nothing exciting, just pootling along. 

Back, with colour. And feet.

Green beans, almost ready to plant up in the greenhouse.
Flowers, lots of lovely flowers.
The traditional chubby feet on table knitting pics.
Sunshine.

Enjoy the sunshine!

Feeling frumpy.

I had my left wrist injected last Thursday, it seemed much more painful than when I last had my wrists done and I admit to fainting as the needle was drawn out! The Dr was lovely (the vast majority at my little hopical are fabulous), and offered to do both wrists while I was there.
In a moment of gung ho insanity I said yes - then promptly changed my mind after the first one.
As I spent the next two days with my left hand in a splint and a sling I think that was  a wise decision - the image of me with both hands in slings is too silly for words!

Today the hand is definitely easier, but gives me a sharp reminder if I use it too roughly. By 'roughly' I mean dare devil things like pegging washing out or picking up a plate.
Apparently carpal tunnel pain is common in people with rheumatoid arthritis. The joy just never ends....

Poor little bruised chubby handy! And no knitting! Noooooo!
The good old methotrexate nausea decided it wanted in on the attention too, yippee.

Moving swiftly on.
Sunshine, bucket loads of the stuff. Fabulous.
I spent a lot of Thursday and Friday sleeping off the above, but managed an hour yesterday early evening, on my bench in my teeny tiny garden. A book, some easy crochet, and a visit from Frodo who lives next door:

Definitely the best dressed cat in the street.

The garden looks pretty at the moment, despite me not giving it the attention it deserves. The yellow poppies are from seeds mum gathered from her garden last year, and just keep flowering. Beautiful.

I have gathered quite a few seed heads, and will let the rest do their own thing.
Aren't seed pods beautiful?

I love the way they are starting to open, to let those seeds out.  This makes me want to attempt a painting, one day.

Triffid duck faced nastursium.

I started cutting out A Thing, and might start sewing it one day. Might.

Subtle, eh?

Enjoy the sun.
Toodles.

Sunshine, showers, sunshine, downpours, sunshine- you get the idea.

Isn't he great!
There are two, one much smaller than the other.They run along the windowsill then on to the bird table- I love them, they seem more interested in bread than the bird food, and the birds come back as soon as the squiggles go.

Cheeky little blighters!

This is the first year I have seen fledgelings being fed at the table- the bird table- the blue tits arrive in a great flap and fluster, always en masse, like a bunch of aunties fussing around a baby. Backwards and forwards, constantly, flapping like mad things, shoving seeds and peckings from the suet balls into the littles. Fabulous.

In comparison, I have been decidedly slug like. My hands have been too bad to do much, certainly cannot knit. Thankfully most of the time I can manage some crochet, the worst pain is in my left wrist.  I am having that one injected this week, and the right the week after. You know it hurts a lot when you are actively looking forward to having a needle stuck into your wrist!

So .... crochet. I became quite obsessed with the Japanese flower (or my rather loose interpretation).

 

This is going to be a dress for me, and will either look really good or absolutely ridiculous.
Time will tell.

Whatever.
I am enjoying it.

This is not a dress, is currently languishing on the floor awaiting blocking, and is destioned to be - well, wait and see.
Not literally- my current rate of finishing things is -erm- zilch.

I have listed some sheep brooches here, after wrestling Small Bob who took a liking to them.

From Small Bob and me, enjoy the sun.

Hi honey I'm home!

Long time no see!
A combination of bereavement, health, lurve, and the eccy peccies = no enthusiasm to blog.
But as I do like to skim my photos on here every now and again, like a scrapbook, I thought I would restart that whole blogging milarky.
So here I am! Look! That's my chubby little foot!

Firstly the bereavement - my fabulous, kind, generous and rather cantankerous Aunty died mid-March, after her cancer returned with a serious vengeance. I could write reams about my Aunty, and also about my incredible mum who went to visit as usual one week last year and ended up, literally, popping back home maybe three times over the year that followed.

According to my Aunt, her Macmillan nurse, her consultant etc, my mum brought my Aunt back from the brink through sheer bloody-mindedness, love and devotion. But things finally defeated even my mum.
With her usual generosity my Aunt sent me some dosh to pay for a few days in my beloved Scarborough. Instead, beloved T suggested we stay closer to Aunty and pop in to say hello.

(we went to Whitley Bay for a few days, absolutely lovely)

I can never thank my beloved T enough- it turned out to be a hello and a very emotional, loving goodbye, as that was the last day she was able to talk. From a shocked 'what are you doing here!'when I walked into her room, to holding my hand and telling me that life is too short and to make the most of every moment, every single second spent with her was priceless. Lots of hair stroking, kisses, handholding. She looked shockingly ill yet very beautiful still. She died a few days later, at home, with my mum holding her.
And I cannot type more about that.

 I still have't had a good cry because it still feels completely unreal and untrue. No way can she be dead, no no no.

(Why yes, we kept the funeral flowers in my Aunty's beautiful garden, so mum could see them all the time. Is that a bit odd? Nah, surely not!)

 

Right. (clears throat and blows nose).

Health - seems a tad shallow writing about my health after that intro! But my Aunty would tell me off if I said that to her, so here goes.
I am finally back in the medical loop. I am apparently going to start Enteracept next but because of my medical history and on going problems (aside from the RA), I need to see:

gynaecologist (to check for cancer/endo)
dermatologist (to check some bumps on my face to rule out cancer)
gastroenterologist (as apparently I should have had a consultation after all the things found during the endoscopy)
dental hospital (am ignoring this one as long as possible, the words 'saw into your jaw' made me want to cry)
injection clinic (2 visits to have carpal tunnel jabs into wrists again)

I am not allowed anything except methotrexate until I am declared cancer free! Cripes.
Recent scans, x-rays etc showed increased damage in my toes, hence the increased pain when walking, ditto my neck. Surprisingly despite spectacular pain my wrists are no worse, as the nurse said I am having many flare ups one after the other but thankfully it isn't causing further damage.

BelovedT is fabulous, and determined to understand as much as he can about RA and M.E. and the whole drugs /side effects side. I must admit I could get very used to being looked after so well!

I mean, I even get taken out for picnics, driving around for ages to find somehere flat that doesn't require much walking on my part. The ducks were just past Bolton Abbey, and quite determined to get into the car!

(This was up in Esholt where the original Emmerdale WoolPack pub is, a ridiculously pretty village. Too busy in summer, but this was just outside the village and beautiful)

 

 

Handies are too sore to do much knitting at all, but thankfully crochet is a bit easier,especially on my left (ie the worst) wrist.

I have bunting:

 

 

which is also in my little Etsy shop here:

 

thesulkycat  .

 

 

 I am currently spending time on a throw for my bed, in greys and pinks- might finish that in 2020. And bags. Watch this space.

 

Right ,that's your lot for today.  BelovedT just sent me a text, he is almost back at work (he has an 8+ hour drive and a 2+ hour boat trip to get here /back again each time). 'Scuse me while I go all starry eyed.

Toodles.

Slushy soppy warning.

Firstly, thank you for the replies to the 'Fine Thanks' post.

Secondly- brace yourselves.
What can I say?
Erm.

Let the piccies speak for themselves:

Oh yes.Unicorns AND rainbows.

And glitter. Shiny happy glitter.
No no! Don't run away, come back!

 

Remember your first love?

How long ago was that- are you still in touch? Still together?

 

My first love, blimey. A long time ago but also a mere week ago. Oh yes. We have stayed in sporadic touch over the years (many years), and met up recently. And flippin' ek, watch this space because I still haven't stopped grinning and hope I never do.

Crikey.

 

Thassall.

For now I am going to continue grinning like a loon and scattering unicorn farts and rainbows everywhere I go.

 

 

Fine, thanks. You?

To the question 'how are you?', hands up if the reply is along the lines of  'fine thanks, you?'

No matter if you have the migraine from hell, a broken leg, herpes, an ingrowing toe nail or agonising period pain, the automatic reply tends to be 'fine thanks'.

It is on a par with apologising when someone bumps INTO YOU, queueing patiently, holding doors open for people more able bodied than yourself, and saying 'yes it's lovely' when the hairdresser does that thing with the mirrors, and you look like a scalped scarecrow.
Yes, it's 'fine thanks'.
Then you start ruffling it up as soon as you get outside, go straight home praying that you don't see anyone you know along the way, wet it, try to tug it longer then have a damned good cry and vow never to set foot (or head) in the place again.

Maybe it is peculiar to us Brits. I suspect Canadians do similar.

And so it is with rheumatoid arthritis (insert disease of choice here).
How are you?
Fine thanks. You?

Actually no, not fine thanks. Anything but fine.
I am so exhausted my brain is fuzzy, my eyes sting and I feel spaced out but not in a good way.
The pain in my right knee in particular is so bad I want to cry. It burns, a deep ache that doesn't ease and it is impossible to get comfy. It is very similar  to that deep ache of a broken bone.
It is also nigh on impossible to get dressed, so it's another day in loose jimjams and dressing gown. Slippers but not socks, even the old-biddy 'sock putter onner' contraption isn't going to work today.
I feel sick, am hungry but daren't eat in case I need to dash in a Bolt stylie to the bathroom- knees are more up to a sloth-like shuffle.
I feel like I have the flu.
But compared to the hell going on in my left wrist, hand, thumb, elbow, all that pales to nothing.
Absolute sheer agony. I hug my hand to myself, in the pitiful way I used to try to hug away period pain in my teens. I moan out loud at times. The splints for my wrists are too painful to wear; ANYTHING is too painful.
I have taken my maximum painkillers for the next few hours.
The thought of a cold spray makes me shudder; the heat spray is upstairs so tough, knees don't want to go there. Literally.


 Thankfully today, right this moment, I would rate the actual pain as a steady 7out of 10. I am trying to avoid taking the Tramadol for as long as possible, it is a high dose and I am only allowed 3 a day, absolute max. The Naproxen used to ease some pain for a while, but after a suspected bleed in my stomache, a horrible endoscopy, a hiatus hernia and erosive gastritis, I am banned from taking it. (I did ask if I could sneak one when the pain is very bad and was told absolutely NO, as the damage it was doing to my stomach was potentially serious).

RA has a nasty habit of lulling you into thinking you are actually having a bearable day, then deciding to remind you that - OUCH - your knees are knackered and - FEKKIN HELL! - you have damaged wrists and - SMASH!!- you also have very little grip strength. Oh yes, and - THERE WE GO - you are going to be exhausted and need a lie down after the slightest exertion.

I had  the joys of a tooth abscess recently. Methotrexate not only plays havoc with your teeth but makes any dental work a real issue. The risk of infection is very high. My tooth needs to come out at some point but my dentist is not happy to do it, and will have to refer me to the dental hospital. Thankfully a good GP, a mega dose of anti-biotics and lots of Bonjela seem to have done the trick.
Fine thanks.

This is not written as a 'pity me' post. Genuinely not.
What it is trying to do is give an idea of what anyone with severe RA is going through.
I have neglected my Ravelry friends a lot lately.
I have had a strange (but lovely) Christmas (more on that later).
I am determined to try and grab back a bit of my life pre-RA, even if takes all year.
I have a fabulous family and wonderful, truly wonderful, friends.
I am determined to make the most of the (very) rare moments when creative ideas in  my head coincide with functioning hands.

So.
How are you?